Coming Out: Let There Be Love

It’s been three years since I came out of the closet. And to be honest, that moment was not as celebratory as I expected it to be–there wasn’t any sappy phone call or a melodramatic “we need to talk” type of conversation–but it sure was one of the best things I’ve ever done to myself.

Ever since I was a child, I already knew I was not like the other boys my age. While my peers were busy going batshit crazy on video games and sports and race cars, I was too preoccupied jamming to my bootleg copy of Britney Spears’ classic Oops!… I Did It Again and sneaking into the corner of the library, learning what shade of blue goes well with my bedroom floor.

But the funny thing is that, during this time, I was legitimately attracted to girls. Sure I might not be one of those rowdy kids perpetually running around the school covered in sweat and dirt, but I am pretty sure that I really liked the opposite sex. Like I would go around the campus picking random flowers and giving them out to my crushes, and I remember having a sticker album devoted to a girl four years older than me. She was my Arnold, and I was her Helga.

It was during high school when I realized that I was noticing the same sex unusually a lot more. Although it was nothing major to actually give me teenage identity crisis–because for some strange reason, I had casual flings with girls until my senior year–there was definitely something about men that appealed to me. I remember flipping through a magazine and seeing a whole page of a Dolce & Gabbana ad featuring a damp David Gandy in this pair of skimpy white swimming trunks that almost gave me a nervous breakdown.

What I always found nerve-wrecking was when people asked me about my identity. I didn’t really try acting straight simply because I’ve never cared about labels, and I paid no mind as to what sexual orientation I should identify myself with, but hearing these words was enough to make me lose my shit. One time I had some sort of intervention with my family, and as soon as I walked into the room, they asked me if I was gay. Any guy who’s going through puberty wouldn’t wanna hear that, and because I was obviously not alpha man enough to keep my cool, I burst into tears and stormed out of the room.

I mean, let’s be honest, that scene had “gay” written all over it.

Coming out and accepting yourself do not necessarily go hand in hand. At such an early age, I didn’t feel bad that I like men, but I had no intentions of coming out because I believed that it was nobody’s business. It wasn’t a matter of being scared that I may get bullied or made fun of nor is it about any guilt of of having homosexual tendencies. Perhaps it was the thought of deviating from the norm and being different from everybody else that feared me the most.

I came out November 2010. I’ve forgotten how things came up to that point, but what I do remember is what pushed me into doing it was the film Shelter. That movie was crucial to my whole experience, which, although I’m well aware that it came as no surprise, the feeling of finally coming into terms with yourself was incredibly liberating.

The whole process wasn’t even remotely dramatic. Contrary to popular beliefs, it (sadly) did not involve me jumping on a lavender unicorn carrying a rainbow flag. It happened in probably the most uninteresting way possible: me sitting in front of the laptop, typing away my feels over Facebook chat.

It’s been three years since that day, and there’s not even a drop of regret doing it. It was such a positive experience for me, and things would’ve been so much different now if I decided to keep to myself. I’ve gained so much friends, my confidence has gone through the roof, and the love I receive has been truly heartwarming.

Gone are the days of me telling people I’m straight, it’s just that “I naturally act feminine.”  Now, telling people I’m gay isn’t even a big deal anymore, and I answer them without a hint of hesitation. Because, think about it, what difference does it make? Liking the same sex doesn’t make me less of a person.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not forcing you to come out now. What I’m telling you is that we’ve come a long way from a society where fairies and dykes had no choice but to be outcasts. You have people like me who went through that same phase of constant denial. Just find the right time and make sure that you are in a safe space to do so, and trust me, it does get better.

Remember that it’s not about declaring your admiration for penis (or for vagina, if you’re a woman). It’s about a celebration of ourselves, and it all boils down to one thing–love. I hope that one day coming out wouldn’t be a thing anymore because by then, we’ll be living in a society where the genitals of your partner wouldn’t matter. That there’s no need to confess to someone that you’re gay because it’s become totally normal, just like being straight.

But as we work towards that kind of culture where all kinds of love are universally accepted, just keep in mind that you have literally millions of us here–gay, lesbian, straight, whatever others labels there are–who got your back.

 

Same-Sex Attraction, Misinformation, and Violent Reactions

I recently stumbled into a Tumblr post about someone’s romantic relationship (same-sex relationship, to be specific. I’m not gay-shaming. This information is completely relevant.) that made me went ballistic. Hell, ballistic might even be an understatement.

I usually do not give a fuck on other people’s relationship unless 1) a close friend of mine is involved, and 2) my celebrity crush is dating someone basic. But going back to the topic, the amount of emotion that the post drew out from me was overwhelming. It’s like I never felt so furious in a while, that I just wanted to pull a Manny Pacquiao on his bigoted ass. And that’s coming from the most pacific person in the world.

So the post was about his relationship with, as I’d like to call it, his quasi-boyfriend mainly because their “relationship” seems pretty dysfunctional. And his principles too, I might add. The blog post had a ton of opinions masked as facts that he said he was telling “on behalf of the other gay people”. Adding fuel to the fire, he said that the common conceptions on same-sex relationships are wrong. Permission to punch him in the throat?

Let me point out the gist of this Tumblr entry.

Eve was just actually Steve in drag. The leaf was there to strategically cover his really bad tuck.

1. Men ought to be with women. And vice versa.

I know this one has been a source of unending debates until now. This can be a separate blog entry on it’s own, but for the sake of the integrity of my rant, I’m keeping this on a minimum.

If you were in a gay person’s shoes, how on earth can you adhere to such thing? It’s like you’re breaking the ultimate rule of homosexuality (if there’s one). Don’t you notice that you take us back in time when liking someone who shares the same sex chromosome as you is universally considered a sin? Never take for granted all those years spent fighting homophobia. And we’re not even done yet!

Honey, you are basically going against the essence of being a homosexual, let’s be real.

We’re taking the Andy Warhol quote a bit seriously, are we?

2. A gay man has to allow his partner to go out/shag a woman…

… because, in the end, plugs go into sockets.

Although polygamy still exists up to now, we can’t deny the fact that finding out your partner is cheating on you never calls for a celebration. More like a really bad breakup. But, apparently, I have to tolerate this if I am a homosexual? Since when is this a rule? Last time I checked, same-sex relationships and fidelity are not mutually exclusive.

I’m in no position to give a relationship advice, because I myself have been single ever since I came out of my mother’s womb. But I, being a non-believer of polygamy, am not stupid to just give my (imaginary) boyfriend permission to cheat on me–and eventually leave me–for a woman.

How do you sleep at night knowing that the person you love is doing the dirty with another person, and you can’t do anything about it? How would you feel knowing that you’re sharing your partner with a stranger?  How do even enter a relationship fully aware that breaking up is inevitable? HOW DO YOU EVEN BELIEVE SUCH STUPIDITY?

Sorry, North Star, you’re gonna need a divorce real soon.

3. Same-sex relationships are temporary.

The lines Marina & the Diamonds sing in “Homewrecker” (a personal favorite), “Every boyfriend is the one, until otherwise proven / The good are never easy, the easy never good / And love, it never happens like you think it really should,” apparently do not apply to me because there would never be “the one” that actually owns a penis.

According to Cosmopolitan (aka the perfect relationship adviser), the top three reasons why couples break up are: falling out of love, cheating, and lying. On this list of top 10 reasons, nowhere do I see “Because destiny told us so” or something along these lines.

It’s like you know you’re gonna grow old either alone or unhappy with a woman because, sooner or later, every relationship with a man has to have an end because it’s completely against #1. I’m not sure if he’s this dumb, or he’s just plain cynical, but this was mind-numbingly stupid coming from someone who proudly calls himself gay.

“What’s that you’re sucking in your mouth?” “My Sugar Daddy.”

4. Chivalry is an inherent part of the relationship.

Translation: The “femme” one ought to financially provide for the boyfriend on his own. You know what you’re called? A sugar daddy. And your boyfriend? A gay-for-pay.

When a man enters a relationship with a man, assuming that he’s legitimately attracted and not because he’s paid for, I’m pretty sure both of them are gay. If that is the case, wouldn’t be your moronic rule apply to both of you? Should it not be the case, think about your life choices because what you have there is a major case of gay-for-pay right under your nose.

I hope you do realize that, from the sounds of it, this whole thing is founded on you constantly providing just to keep your relationship running. I honestly wouldn’t be surprised if your partner calls it off the moment you stop shelling out money. If he does, I’m sorry to burst your happy bubble, but he’s obviously here for the $$$.

Chivalry is [almost] dead, hunty. Let it go.

***

Being a homosexual, it’s completely normal for me to have a soft spot on something that I’m advocating for. Having come out of the closet (and a very fabulous one, dahling), I felt the need to further push the envelope on issues with which I am, in one way or another, affected. I’ve had a fair share of arguments–both in real life and on the internet–with conservatives who condemn people who happen to be attracted to the same sex. And boy does it get ugly. Sure I’ve come across gay friends of mine who had differing opinions I don’t particularly agree with. But this one… this one brought something new to the table.

I just can’t believe that a gay man could be so closed-minded about his lifestyle. It’s like a real-life oxymoron. And to think he shamelessly judged someone for “lacking knowledge on modern society”. Psh, modern society my ass.

If there’s one advice I’d give to him, it’s this: Lay off the Brokeback Mountain marathon, mister.